If you knit are you doomed…

In the 70s my granny taught me to knit. It was a sporadic hobby – dropped and picked up briefly when mohair batwings and slubby cotton singlets were fashionable. Funky jumpers were knitted in 1988 for my toddler daughter. Then in 2003 I bought a ball of wool in a charity shop, thinking it would relieve the boredom of six weeks confinement after an operation.

My father collected me from hospital and before depositing me home took me to the local craft shop to buy needles. One hour later we emerged with a needlepoint cushion kit – his idea, not mine! The wool was relegated to a drawer. I got repetitive strain injury sewing 7am to 12pm whilst the Iraq war unravelled at the end of my bed. I recovered, left the house and found a boyfriend.


Seven years on; boredom set in. The wool came out, the knitting began, the boyfriend was asked to buy some more mohair on Ebay (he had an account). He left a week later as  I was apparently preparing for retirement. The granny squares lie five years later untouched in a trunk. A relic of the relationship. Dark and itchy.

Two years after Ebay man’s departure I’m in a hotel room in Singapore with an old friend. He’s flown from Australia. I feel at home after a few weeks there in my little suite. I get out my white mohair and start to knit whilst he watches endless sports. An audible gasp from beside me and then a tirade of granny insults! My credibility has apparently been forever ruined. His desire for me dissolved. He falls asleep whilst watching Wolverine. I sticky plaster bamboo needles to my fingers and poke him till he wakes. Kniterine has arrived.

Three weeks ago. A small hotel in the Wairarapa (I assure you I don’t spend my life in hotels) with the boyfriend of four months and the first relationship since Ebay man. It’s late and I’m about to finish the last row on a scarf I’ve been knitting him for three months. He’s watching Alien videos on Youtube. I ask “Do you like the scarf”. His grumpy response, “Have you ever seen me wear a scarf before. I suppose I’ll wear it when it’s cold.”  Next morning we left. I’ve not heard from him since.

knitted scarf

So my question is – if you like to knit are you doomed to singledom?

Last week I put my first internet dating profile up after a dare from the person who dared me this week to start the blog. I mentioned in my hobbies I like to knit. The only response so far has been an influx of emails from a 62 year old sheep farmer from Hawkes Bay! Maybe he’s also heard about my merino knickers.


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